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2018-05-09
Wat sê ons kinders se gedrag van ons dissipline?


In die ou dae is kinders gesien en nie gehoor nie.  Pappa of mamma het een maal gepraat en kinders het gehoor gegee daaraan.  Dit is ook so dat in die “ou dae”, was meeste mammas óf huismammas of het net halfdag gewerk. Pappas het voldag gewerk maar was nog voor donker by die huis.

In vandag se tyd is die dinamika van ons gesinne heelwat anders en so ook het die verwagtinge van kinders én ouers in hierdie opset verander.  As gevolg van ouers wat lang ure werk, laat by die huis kom of selfs vir periodes nie tuis is nie, moet die gesin aanpas.  Aanpassing en verandering het deel geword van die daaglikse norm en soos Heraclitus gesê het “The only thing that is constant is change”.  Verandering en aanpassing moet egter nie as negatiewe faktore gesien word nie maar eerder as geleenthede om te verbeter of om positief anders na iets te kyk en toe te pas. 

Die manier waarop dissipline toegepas word het natuurlik ook verander.  Hoe dit toegepas moet word, wat is aanvaarbaar (of nie aanvaarbaar nie) en wat die beste metode is om dissipline toe te pas.  Die hoe en waar word oorgelaat aan elke ouer en opvoeder se eie diskresie (binne die perke van die wet en morele standaarde natuurlik).  Die WAAROM is egter ‘n universele beginsel.

Toepassing van dissipline is nie onderhandelbaar nie want dit bepaal die orde van die samelewing.  Dissipline leer kinders, en grootmense, dat jy nie alleen is nie en dat daar sekere sosiale verwagtinge is om sodoende respek aan almal met wie jy in kontak kom te toon.  Konsekwente toepassing van dissipline is lewenslesse wat op ‘n vroeë ouderdom vasgelê moet word.

Ons maak so maklik verskoning vir die swak of wangedrag van ons kinders.  “Hy is seker net moeg”, “Haar hartjie is seker seer”, “Hy doen net wat hy wil en gee nie ag op my gesag nie”.  Onmiddelik het JY ‘n verskoning vir jou kind se swak gedrag gemaak en ‘n presedent geskep.  Daar is nou ‘n persepsie by jou kind dat  sy swak gedrag oorgesien kan word omdat daar altyd ‘n rede gevind kan word vir hoekom hy nie nodig het om goeie gedrag te toon nie.  Hierdie eskaleer met insident na insident en dan natuurlik ouderdom.

Het ons “gehoorsame” ouers geword met kinders wat dikteer wat mág en nie mag gebeur nie? Het ons ouers geword wat kinders nie dissiplineer nie omdat ons dit sien as ‘n teken van geen liefde?  Het ons kinders vryheid gegee om dit doen wat hulle wil net sodat ons nie die krag of energie het om die wangedrag te addresseer en regstelling te bring nie?

Dissipline IS liefde.  Korrigering IS respek. Verantwoording vir aksies en besluite is die koestering van ons jeug.

Nou is die tyd om op te hou verskonings maak vir wangedrag en gebrek aan dissipline.  Nou is die tyd om ons kinders, in liefde, op te voed met ‘n goeie begrip van reg en verkeerd, aanvaarbaar en nie-aanvaarbaar.  Nou is die tyd waar ons kinders moet leer om die gesag van hul opvoeders te aanvaar, respekteer en te eer.

Wat sê jou kinders se gedrag van jou gesag en dissipline om hulle verantwoordelike burgers van ons land en gemeenskap te maak?

 

What does our children’s behaviour say about how we discipline them?

 

In the old days, children were seen and not heard. Dad or mom spoke once and children were obedient. It is also true that in the "old days" most mothers were either housewives or only worked half-day. Daddy worked full-time but was still home before dark.

In today's time, the dynamics of our families are quite different and so the expectations of children and parents have changed in many ways. Due to parents who work longer hours, get home late or even work away from home for periods of time, the family needs to adapt. Adaptation and change became part of the daily norm and, as Heraclitus said, "The only thing that is constant is change". However, change and adaptation should not be seen as negative factors, but rather than opportunities to improve or to positively look at and apply something else.

The way in which discipline is applied, of course, also changed. How it should be applied, what is acceptable (or not acceptable) and what the best method is. The how and where is left to each parent and educator's own discretion (within the limits of the law and moral standards of course). However, WHY is a universal principle.

Application of discipline is not negotiable because it determines the order of society. Discipline teaches children and grown-ups that you are not alone and that there are certain social expectations to show respect to everyone with whom you come into contact. Consistent application of discipline is life lessons that have to be reinforced from an early age.

We so easily apologize for our children’s bad behaviour. "He's probably just tired", "She doesn’t feel well", "He only does what he wants and does not accept my authority." Immediately you made an apology for your child's bad behaviour and created a precedent. There is now a perception in your child’s mind that his poor behaviour can be overlooked because there is always a reason why he or she does not need to show good behaviour. This escalates with incident to incident and then of course age.

Have we become "obedient" parents with children who dictate what may and may not happen? Have we become parents who do not discipline children because we see it as a sign that we do not love them? Have we given children freedom to do what they want just so that we do not have the energy to address the misconduct and correct it?

Discipline IS love. Correction IS respect. Responsibility for actions and decisions is the nurturing of our youth.

Now is the time to stop making excuses for misconduct and lack of discipline. Now is the time to educate our children, in love, with a good understanding of right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable. Now is the time we need to teach children to accept, respect and honour the authority of their parents and educators.

What does your child's behaviour say about your authority and discipline to make them responsible citizens of our country and community?


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